I don’t consider myself a worrier. I don’t worry mentally. I mean, I don’t fret and think about things that could go wrong. I don’t imagine horrific things. I don’t make lists of possible outcomes.

Apparently, though, I worry physically. I carry my preoccupation and fears like a backpack, stooping my shoulders and slowing my step. In yoga today, I had a hard time opening my “heart” and reaching up…it was so much easier to stay bent over, to not stretch straight but rather to curve inward and keep my heart protected. I wasn’t prepared to be open. When I worry, I don’t make eye contact; I can’t take in anything more than I’m carrying already.

I worry behaviorally. I stop returning phone calls. I don’t cook. I don’t intend to cook until Wednesday, until after her surgery is over and we can start thinking normally again. I eat, though…chocolate and ice cream and anything else anyone suggests. I don’t say no to her requests. I knit…I would knit for her, if there were something she wanted. I would knit a prayer for her. I think of knitting something for her surgeon’s hands. Mitts to warm them, protect them, shelter those hands against these cold windy days. A prayer for her surgeon’s hands.

I send my younger daughter to friends’ houses, arranging for her to get some non-stressed family time even if it’s with other families. I rely on my mom friends to mother her for a few days. I am grateful for this extended family, our community of friends, which embraces her without hesitation.

All will be well. All will be well. It’s not a major surgery, just a bone fragment which needs to be returned to its proper place. She’ll be home within hours. She’ll be back at school by Thursday.

In the meantime, though…don’t expect me to cook.

Edited to add: All went well and she’s back home safe and sound. Today’s plan consists of Vicodin and Vistoril every four hours (’round the clock…midnight last night was not a pretty scene); pretzels, chicken noodle soup and ice cream; and a Star Wars Movie Marathon. I don’t think school tomorrow is a likely option, but maybe a half-day on Friday. Thanks to all for your good wishes.

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